This Is Almost 40

Lately been in a funk. Wondering if I’m allowed to be there. Or if I’m only allowed to keep the funk to myself. Smile. Grin. Everything is everything. You know me, baby. Cut down on social media. Deleted the apps off the phone. Had to admit that I was addicted to the rush. Can’t FOMO if I don’t know what’s going on. Don’t feel the need to show off my life all the time. Cause you probably won’t like what’s going on some of the time. Not that it should matter. Cause my goal is not to be an influencer. I tell silent faces that I want to do work that matters. Hoping that it resonates. But may be right now is more important. The moment. Is what matters. Tomorrow’s not promised. Then you’re at tomorrow wondering what happened to yesterday.

What did I do with my time here? A crisis deferred or delayed? We were promised greatness and we patiently waited. Greatness isn’t us. It’s in us. Why we so afraid to let it out? The world is so ugly. But we are the world. Not just them. But us too. This is almost 40. What have I done? What haven’t I done? I had goals. I shared them. With my friends, family, strangers, and co-workers. They believed in me. Always knew you would. They said. Still think you can. They said. Got the arrogance to think that I could have done it better than those who did it but lack the confidence to do it. I had a vision of how my life would be. When things didn’t work out, I said, hey, that’s OK, just…