In Defense of Small Talk

It’s a lubricant. The foreplay. The warmup. The stretch. To human interaction. To getting to know someone. The pre-game to a relationship. You can’t just dive in and start sharing the deepest and most personal and intimate details of your life with every person you come across right away. None of us want that. Small talk is a necessary tool we all need to use to get to know people. Especially to meet new people. It’s something I’ve had to relearn how to do.

Almost 20 years in New York City where I had my core friends and usually floated in circles filled with people with similar interests and desires and career paths I had forgotten how to interact with my human surroundings. With those who existed outside of those circles. And then I left all of that and moved to the third largest city in Spain. Went from a city of 8 million people to 800,000 people. And let me tell you, feeling ultra alone in a new and unfamiliar place will heighten your sensibilities and sensitivities.

What I still remember is how much I just wanted to talk with people here in Spain. Anyone. Beyond something transactional at a store or restaurant. And even those I still remember. I was surprised at how much I wanted to hear the mundane details of some stranger’s day. And of course wanting to share the same about mine with them. I needed to engage. To feel a touch of humanity. An honest exchange that asked…