Don’t Ask Me, I Don’t Have the Answers*

I used to love giving advice. Now I’m trying to give less of it.

For awhile now people have come to me for advice, be it about relationships, work, family, or whatever they were unsure about or struggling with at that time. “You seem to have your shit together,” is something I’ve heard from others in the past. It was likely due to a combination of what they thought of me and what I wanted them to think of me.

I rarely said no when they’d ask. Even if I didn’t have my shit together. I liked it. They were coming to me in their time of need so I felt like I couldn’t let them down. I felt useful, trusted, and respected. I felt needed and superior. A few times people I knew asked if I could speak to someone they knew to help them out with some of my wise words. Why, of course, I could.

Looking back I think it was my ego that made me think that I did have the answers for everyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed helping people, especially if they reached out. I know it’s not easy to ask for help.

A lot of times I offered help or solutions even when I wasn’t asked. Now I think they were just looking to vent and to be heard. But for whatever reason, I took it upon myself to offer a way to help. Afterward, I would sometimes feel burdened by their problems.